A Threat Analysis of the Danish Empire

Introduction

Recent world events have brought the nation of Denmark to the forefront of geopolitical thought. In this paper we will seek to perform a thorough analysis of the threat Denmark poses to life as we know it.

Military History

Denmark is the oldest monarchy in Europe and has a long history of brutal military conquests including the invasion of London, Stockholm, and Copenhagen. For thousands of years the Danes have terrorized Europe. And yet the common man's conception of the Danish people revolves around sugar cookies, chocolate, and cheese. How can two such discontinuous views of Denmark coexist? The answer lies in Denmark's best kept secret: Danes are Vikings.

The Viking Overlords

Vikings dominated most of Europe for centuries; so much so that the period of 793 - 1066 A.D. was known as the "Viking Age." To put this in perspective, the Nazis were in power for about 12 years and didn't even get an era named after them. The Viking Age was followed immediately by the Middle Ages, which was considered an improvement by all involved (except maybe the Vikings).

Geographical Position

A quick glance at a map of Europe (show above) reveals peculiar property of Denmark: it's hard to find. We believe this probably lended the country some security in past centuries but modern technology negates this advantage today. Using this technology we were able to pinpoint the location of Denmark as shown in the next map.



So there it is, north of Germany, jutting out into the North Sea. We believe this is a good defensive position for these Viking aggressors as many would-be attackers will need to move thru southern Europe and all they way across Germany to get to Denmark. Chances are good that even the most vengeful enemy would be captivated by the foreign beauty of some waitress in a French or Italian cafe along the way and thus the attack would be repelled without any loss of Danish troops.

Military Power

Denmark's military numbers are unimpressive by most standards, around 25k standing troops, but when you consider that this number translates to about 1000 Viking longboats roaming about coastal land and waterways, pillaging and plundering, we believe you'll agree this is not an inconsequential threat. Also consider that in times as recent as the 20th century Denmark had a profitable and powerful empire reaching as far as the Americas.

Perceived Motives

Up until recently is was obvious to most military strategists that Denmark was vying to regain its former empire status but was unclear how it intended to do so. But recent events have shed some light on this. We believe their intent is to incite a large-scale war between European and Middle Eastern countries (primarily the region formerly known as Iran) and then conquer the victors in their weakness during the aftermath.

Conclusion, Forecast, and Recommendation

Our best case scenario is that Denmark continues to provoke the peace-loving, rational nations of our planet in an effort to drive energy costs high and morale low until peace talks eventually neutralize the situation. Our worst case scenario is best expressed as the following image:



Here you can see the demonic Viking hordes slaughtering our young men and riding off with our women. Later, the birds of the air feast on the bodies of the slain. It should be no mystery to the reader why we recommend the freedom-loving peoples of the world join together in against Denmark. We suggest using the phrase "War on Humor" to denote this effort.